I need to start with a photo today. It was a fucked up kinda day. No time for myself and surrounded by demands.
I would like to be back in this photo, stretched out on the bed enjoying the solitude of shooting self portraits and masturbating. It seems like so long ago that I had this luxury of time and discovery.
It always surprised me when I shot photos. At first I always felt awkward being nude with my camera in hand. I didn't alway have an idea, sometime I would just let the lighting guide me down the rabbit hole. It might start out rough but eventually I would find something, a spark or an accident and I would take it from there.
Ultimately I would become aroused trying to get my body just right because the light would tickle and beckon. It found the places of pure sensation and most often hidden. Light is a gentle lover of sorts. It warms and caresses in a way that nothing else does. Light doesn't judge or demand but gives unconditionally. When you capture light in just the right way it can give romance in one moment and then a strict and firm lover in the next. I guess it is moody and can trick you and the audience it reaches.
I could never rely on light, but I could rely on it's effects on me. I surrender to it at any cost in hope it will grant me the release, even if it is just the release of my shutter.
I hope to make love to the light again...it has been a long time.
